i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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