Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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