just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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