We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Boobs speak an international language.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
