Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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