My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
