please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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