Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think I sprained my soul last night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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