We need to rekindle our bromance
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
