The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
