Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
