Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
