If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
