i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
