plz talk dirty to me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
