HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
