She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
