I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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