I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
this boner is exhausting
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
