She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
