Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
