remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
