HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
