I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
