his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
