At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
