I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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