i need an iv and a liver transplant
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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