at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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