see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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