Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
