people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
