I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
