I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
