I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
