There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
