I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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