I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
