Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
