he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
