to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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