i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
