Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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