Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
