I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
