it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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