Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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