I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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