i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
