In the future we'll all be gay
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
handjob tips. give me some.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
