I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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